this hotel I stay in when I travel here to Rochester, NY. I love the people, the amenities , everything… EXCEPT the floor to ceiling mirrors that cover the closet doors off to the side of the bed!! SERIOUSLY!!
I have to look at myself when I am sitting in bed watching TV… and ok… let’s speak plainly… I know I am not the tiniest woman… but 90% of the time I do a really good job of loving who I am… loving my curves, loving my cleavage, loving who I am on the outside even as I work to change it for my health….
Then there are the days I sit in this hotel, in jammies, no make-up, hair flopped from the shower and I see that “FAT GIRL” in the mirror… and I hear my Dad’s voice telling me “you are a beautiful person… on the INSIDE.” and how when I replied that I wanted a man who would love me for me said “well I am not that man”… or my former pastor who told me that I would “never meet a man who would want to be with me if I didn’t loose some weight” (Boy- I would hate to admit how many men I have in my life right now who would LOVE to get in my pants! LOL But THAT is for another blog!
I NEED to fight those voices, fight the pain that hearing them again brings to my heart, fight the fear that I will never be as healthy or let’s admit- as CUTE as I want to be… that I am doomed … and ya know what? I CAN! I WILL FIGHT! THEY are wrong. They might be the men I had most respected in life… but they are just men… they hurt me, but people make mistakes and I AM fabulous and gorgeous… even if I am the big girl!
I did not post this to get sympathy or anything… just to remind myself… who I WAS, where I have come from and how far I have come… even if I still have a ways to go!